the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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