His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
