do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think people are normalizing furries
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
