Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
