Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
