she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
