they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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