awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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