I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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