Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
