She just used a chaser for red wine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
