We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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