if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
