So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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