Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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