he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
