we're chasing vodka with high fives
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
