i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
