Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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