So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
