um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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