non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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