You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
