Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
