that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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