I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
