I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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