Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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