you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
