My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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