It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
