I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
MIDGETS
????
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
