Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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