After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
