I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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