This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
