And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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