By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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