You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
