Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
