I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
