He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
