I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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