I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
