It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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