I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
