This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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