paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
