1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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