it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
